Genius. Absolutely genius. (HP fans, you must check this out)

[ayrdaomei]

[Bad username or site: chickenflicker / @ livejournal.com] hipped me to this: Brad Neely's Wizard People, Dear Reader. It's this absolutely hilarious re-working/parody of Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone. You can listen to it alone, but triple your fun by putting the film in the dvd player, muting it, and listening to Neely's voice over narration (it's cued to the film ^_^).

The best thing is this is no big production - the phrasing is hilariously awkward at points, Neely stumbles over lines, and you can hear him turning pages in his script and breaking for water ^_^

Some people have had trouble with the torrent, so I've loaded the mp3s into yousendit.
Wizard People, Dear Reader - Disc One
Wizard People, Dear Reader - Disc Two

[Bad username or site: johnnybvo / @ livejournal.com], you have to check this out. You'll love it. "Holy frickin' balls!" is totally going to become a standard of my vocabulary.

My favorite bits ^_^

First off, can I just say how much I love Neely's referring to Snape as a woman? And the bit at about 45.5 minutes in where he just CRACKS up? And I am thoroughly amused at the fact that when bored by a sequence, he just goes off on some random involved tangent. And his loving descriptions of Wood? OMG, way too funny. I will probably now need to make an icon of Hermione that reads The poor thing has complex on top of complex.

• They are going to leave this veritable weapon of the gods...This *paradox* of babiness and power on a frickin' muggle's doorstep?
  
• ...as Hagar gnashes his teeth in inner conflict...
  
• Yes, Harry, do laugh on. Laugh on in their unthinkable faces.
  
• But cousin Ragtime Roastbeefy thinks Harry might have a wafer or cookie and takes the letter away before Harry can read it.
  
• "I will take one of these letters to my room, and whisper it to the horses, and see what they think." Oh, how the wine talks.
  
• Harry is confused but knows how to play his cards. A man like this could be in the market for a sidekick. "What's Hogwarts?" A masterful play by Harry. Hagar stumbles around with his words, and seems put off a bit at himself. Clearly, sidekicking for Hagar would suck balls.
  
• Harry, with the talent of Lawrence of Olivier, feigns surprise. "I can't be a wizard, I'm just Harry!" he says, again, with the Oil of Olivier.
  
• The pinched up mouth of an aunt lets out that Harry’s parents did not die in a car crash, but were of course destroyed in a much cooler way - a wizard’s fight. She begins then to berate Harry’s mom, calling her names, and...trying to say that Harry sucks and stuff like that.
  
• Imagine music - la da da da da - alive and market placey....
  
• Enter scene of what looks like 1800s England downtown; buildings crowded in unstably around tons of magical kids with their parents, scraping together their needs for the upcoming school year. Witchy moms, wizardly dads, and worried, harried Harry acting excited and happy for Hagar’s sake.
  
• The grossest looking humanoid in the world scuttles about on its moonshaped legs .... It tries to resemble what it thinks is a cool looking person, but in reality, he is freaking Harry and Hagar out.
  
• "I will make spells that keep me from looking like him," Harry makes that mental note, I assure you. The mental notes are stacking up.
  
• Vanders, with a why-didn’t-I-think-of-it-before? look, the look that everyone’s dad puts on when he’s trying to pick out shoes and clothes for their kid, even though they *have* had thought of this before, from the beginning in fact, they just want to draw out the afternoon with needless driving around and tryings on because they don’t know what else to do with their kids, well, he puts on that kind of look.
  
• EdVanders all but holds up a skull and soliliquies..."Oh, we don’t say his name, but know this: He is a Bad Ass. He could kill anyone, anything. A gorilla or a bear, whatever, anything."
  
• The depression creeps into Harry again. His powers seem infinite. Everyone loves and fears him, but he himself can’t seem to find his place among them. He is outside of people....and the wine flows. So, in an effort to cheer Harry up, Hagar decides to tell the tale of Harry’s parents’ death.
  
• Ron loves Twizzlers.
  
• He and Harry are interrupted by a horrible creature that is making its way down the hall and appears in the doorway. Only upon closer examination do Ron and HP realize that it’s a girl looking for a frog. Her hair seems to be made up of hair follicle-sized serpents, a pre-pubescent Medusa. Ugh. She demands that Ron continues his spell, but by mere proximity to such a wretched creature, Ron cannot concentrate and almost kills his rat instead....
  
• She tries to degrade Ron, but only looks stupid. Knowing that these boys obviously hate her filthy guts, she sits down.
  
• She intros herself as Harmony and begs Ronnie of his name. He only growls and smacks in her general direction.
  
• Harry trembles and steadies himself in the reassuring pasty presence of Ron the Bear.
  
• He intros himself as Mouthoyle, and Ronnie busts up at this. The rich little bastard starts throwing class trash about Ronnie The Bear’s hard-earning family being poor and rabbit-like.
  
• The Faculty table is full of weirdo professors and goblin-faced women.
  
• The near dead Dumbledore erects himself slowly and tells some jokes about death that most of the kids just don't get.
  
• A wise child she is, and warns herself not to freak out in front of everyone. The poor thing has complex on top of complex.
  
• Everyone knows that Weasels are put into Gryffindor. Ronnie's 20 brothers and 12 sisters are all Gryffindor Students,or Alumni or Faculty.
  
• Dumbledore casts his 'stand without effort' spell....
  
• If ever a roomful of children has looked like little hyenas that have come upon a dead family of zebras, it is now.
  
• In dances that black hole of a woman, with her scar-achin' state. She leans with her best effort to strike an attractive pose....the stark impossibility that such a thing could be human, let alone a human that Harry has to pay attention to is only matched by Mouthoyle's apparent infatuation with her. They look into each other's eyes....Snake astonished that she has an admirer, Mouthoyle astonished that he likes women.
  
• "Ah, fuck this!" says Harry
  
• "Behold," she manages out of her horrible mouth. "Your dad was also a bad ass."
  
• Among totally "what the fuck?" styled faces, Professor Oggnotts starts off a lesson on levitation.
  
• Harmony, being so wretched herself, she feels quite at home with the hideous creature and is able to levitate her feather with no trouble.
  
• Harry feels guilt pangs, but Ronnie The Bear could give a fuck.
  
• But Harmony steps up to bat and lays it on the dotted line. "I was here, crying like an idiot, and these bad ass new gods came in and saved me."
  
• Harry then, dear readers, notices a tear and blood all over Professor Snape's leg! Snape notices Harry and he notices that he noticed! There's a trade of noticing going on that's bewildering.

From Disc Two:

• Harmony feels small in their presence and decides to split hairs with The Bear. "Say, Ron, you look tired. Have you ever been tested for diseases?"
  Ron replies, "At least I'm not a hideous fucker."
  She says, "Are you going home for Christmas? I'm going home. I've got have money."
  He says, "No. We're staying here. We're gonna find out who that fucking Nick Flannel is and rule the fucking school. So run home and open your presents. I hope you get a new pillow to cry into."
  
• It is our velveteen Hamlet tipping on toes towards the restricted portion of the library.
  
• Dazzler is a man who obviously has never heard the laugh of a lover, never heard the phrase "you are fine" from a doctor.
  
• The cat's whore, Dazzler, winces and grinds out words as he does, but no one cares, not one fucking soul. But he goes on to grind out sentences, on werewolves and the like, blah...his voice is as hard to listen to as a dying loved one calling out to you when you are restrained. ...He's trying to say that the kids will surely be destroyed in the forest, so it's just as well that he's indescipherable to the children.
  
• Even though Mouthoyle is the son of a fuck, he is a powerful little prick.
  
• Harry & Mouthoyle talk of nothing. Their hatred curls around their temples like Ceaser hats.
  
• The man-horse explains that the dracula was in fact Valmart, The Scar Artist
  
• Gathered around the fire, four or five cognacs down, our threesome unwinds and works out the details.
  
• Finals! .... The tests are pretty easy compared to the shit these guys are doing in their free time.
  
• Harry is inconsolable. "What? What could have made you say that? What do you think this is, a fucking free for all of facts? Why don't you go and get on the school PA and tell everyone my dad is Valmart and I'm half-Dracula? What fucking good are you? Why don't you learn to keep A GOD DAMNED SECRET?
  
• Just as the three detectives are about to form a plan, who but Snake appears and darkens the hallway with her dark robes galore.
  "What are you kids doing here?"
  "We fucking go to school here."
  
• Upfish, in a foolishly loving gesture, tries to keep our heroes from tasting victory tonight. ...He is sweet, but he is being a nuisance.
  
• Just then, the giant dog awakes itself and...is much faster than last time. He goes ahead and takes a big chunk out of Harmony.
  
• They'd fly off into the clouds and spend weekends dictating North American weather patterns.
  
• The Bear saunters onto the board like a world series winner going for...one more world series win.
  
• Harmony nags Harry "Why'd you let him fall?"
  "ONE MORE COMPLAINT OUT OF YOU, AND I WILL ERASE YOUR ASS-- sorry, that's just the pressure talking." Harry then goes on to tell Harmony to stay with Ronnie The Bear...and to call the president if he's not back in an hour.
  
• Queerman, this whole time has been Harry's dad's gofer. Snake was unfairly suspected, and is probably a lovely woman.
  
• Chapter 31 - that crazy, sick ass face is burning everything up!
  
• He talks about Ron and Harmony and the stone and Nick Flannel, and Valmart. And fathers, and the way fathers can show up on the back of people's heads when you least expect it. But Harry is way beyond that. He just wants to kick back a few cold ones and get through finals.
  
• They continue to chat about death and stones and next year, and whether or not they plan to replace that one teacher who turned to ash....
  
• They quickly compare notes on their adventures and exchange shiteating grins.
  
• Everyone who does not suck begins to clap each other on the back and smile.
  
• The End. Jesus Christ. Wave. wave. Wave. Yeah. And...goodbye.

Beyond that, I had a really good day. Just full of fannish glee. I did no work, but from the few people I've talked to, everyone's burnt out - and no one did work today. Went to IHOP with some friends and after, saw Ocean's 12. Hands down the silliest movie I've seen all year. It felt a lot like Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back...in that you clearly just had some people who enjoyed working together - and they wanted to make another movie so they were like hell, let's just have fun with it. I really missed Rusty's hair (btw, 'Robert Charles Ryan'?), but I got to spend another two hours with characters I love and honestly, I could have fun just watching those guys fight over what movie to rent. It's like the odd Trek films. They're crap, but each has enough fun moments with characters you love, so you've still seen them a half dozen times. Or maybe that's just me. The Tess characterization is a 180 from the first film, but since I thought she was a black hole of suck in the first film, I didn't mind so much.

Also, I had NO idea that Eddie Izzard was in this, so his appearance (and he referenced Gunter! Hee!) was a big, fun surprise.

And in the interest of having them somewhere in case I decide to do iconage...

Linus (trying to get Danny's back as the guys grumble about being known as Ocean's 11):"Look guys, when you have a problem, who do you go to?"
{"Rusty"s ring out from around the room}
Danny: "Thanks, Linus."

Topher: "I phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie!" (presumably this is a reference to In Good Company, which hasn't come out yet, but I still LOL'd)

Danny: "Do I look 50 to you?"
Badger: "Yeah." (off Danny's look) "But only from the neck up."

Tess: "Linus Caldwell Junior Varsity, you are not following any of the procedures Danny put in place!"

Tess: "There's water in the basement, and the pilot light is out."
Danny: "Hang up, right now."

(this was off screen dialogue, I couldn't catch who was speaking. The brothers?)
"Sometimes he opens the second floor window."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That sometimes he opens the second floor window."

Linus: "I don't think we should be the kind of organization that labels people."

Danny: "You called his neice a whore."
Rusty: "She's seven."

Linus: "Am I the only one who feels funny about stealing from a handicapped person?"
{Assorted "I don't have a problem" "I'm fine with it" "Yes" and the like answer him back}
Linus: "Okay then."

Bruce: "Everyone's so damn smart. How come the movie made $650 million worldwide?" (on being repeatedly approached by people who "just KNEW the minute she didn't talk to him at the restaurant".)

It been a ridiculously good day. And look, Liv had a healthy baby boy!

Why is this day being so good to me? ^_^